Bar Exam Diaries - Third Time's a Charm Edition - Day 1

I got a good night's sleep. My alarm went off at 6:30, and I got out of bed about 6:45. (I'm a bit of a snooze button addict.) I checked my email. One of my friends texted me at 7:15 to let me know that she was awake and didn't need a 7:30 wakeup call. I showered and got ready for the day. After my shower, I decided to eat breakfast. I opened up a container of yogurt and tried to eat it, but the smell was so off-putting that I couldn't do it. It made me sick to my stomach. I'm on an antibiotic because of the burn on my hand, so I'm guessing I'm in for another round of antibiotic induced nausea. Fun.

I ended up eating some of the snacks I had brought instead. So I started the day off with Pringles, Oreos, and wasabi rice crackers. Breakfast of champions. After breakfast, I headed downstairs for the test. The test center was much more organized this time around. I didn't see any chaos. I had a different proctor this time, which relieved me. I like the proctor I had the last two times, but I think I would have been embarrassed to have to face him again. (He remembered me in February. I guess there aren't too many redheads taking the bar in Oakland.) My proctor this time is a grandfatherly old man with a cheery disposition. When he was checking my ID, he said, "Looks just like you." I responded "I hope not!" and then we both laughed.

Bar Exam Diaries - Third Time's a Charm Edition - Day 0

Here we go again. I had always heard stories of people who take the bar exam multiple times, but it was never supposed to be me. That's supposed to be something that happens to other people. People have tried to cheer me up by saying, "You're smart. You'll pass this time." I appreciate the sentiment, but clearly there's more to passing the bar than being smart. (Plus, I'm reasonably sure my intelligence has remained unchanged between last July and now.)

It seems like my body decides to get ill or injured right before every bar exam. Last July I had an eye infection, and the antibiotics I had to take to treat it caused nausea. In February, I was in a car accident the week before the test. Not to be outdone this time, I burned my hand rather severly last week. I only just regained the ability to hold a pencil this morning.

I wasn't able to get much time off work, but my employer is pretty good about flex time and work/life balance. So I worked from home today and took a long lunch that consisted of traveling to Oakland to settle in to the hotel I'm staying at. I signed off of my email at 5:30 and put up an out of office auto-reply for the next three days. (I'll still have to log on every night and catch up on the day's messages, though.)

After I checked in to the hotel, I went to the grocery store to get food for the week. It's cheaper and faster than eating out. I really wish I could go swimming, but my hand hasn't healed enough for that yet, so I'll have to find something else to do.

I'm feeling pretty good about the test this time. I'm in a good place emotionally. The first time I took the bar, I was freaked out. The second time, I was so fed up that I just didn't care. This time, I'm prepared and calm. I'm ok with the outcome, whatever it is. If I pass, great. If I don't pass, it's not a big deal. I don't really need bar membership to be a professor. But I think I'll pass. Third time's a charm.

Still alive over here

Just a quick update to let you know that I haven't fallen completely off the face of the earth. The bar exam is in a week and a half, and I'll come back to life then. Ciao!

Raising the Bar

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So, if I want to pass the bar exam in July, I need to do something different.

I rocked the multiple choice section both times I took the bar, so obviously I know the law. (The multiple choice section is widely believed to be the harder portion, though I found it to be the easier portion.) So, I need to work on my essays. I'm a good writer, but the bar exam doesn't reward good writing. It rewards what I like to call "Mad-libs for Lawyers". My remedial college English students can write better essays than the so-called "model answers" that the state bar holds up as paragons of legal writing. That means I need to do a ton of practice essays so that I can spew back awful writing in my sleep.

I also need a change of venue. I have trouble studying at home because there are so many distractions. The TV, the computer, the laundry, and the cats are all way more interesting than the Rule Against Perpetuities. I also need to accept the limitations of my endocrine system and realize that my malfunctioning adrenals mean that I'm more productive in the morning than in the evening.

So, instead of studying by trying (mostly unsuccessfully) to read books in the evening after work, I'm going to study by writing essays in the morning before work. There's a coffee shop next door, so I'm going to go there at the beginning of the day and write one practice essay each morning before heading into the office. I guess hot cocoa and pastries will need to become another line item in my budget.

I'm going to take the light rail to work so that I can use my commute time to practice multiple choice questions and brush up on areas of law I'm less sure about. Since the light rail station is about 4 blocks from work, that gives me a mile round-trip of walking each day. That way I'll have exercise automatically worked into my schedule, too.

This will lengthen my day considerably. I'll leave home around 7 in the morning and get home around 7 at night. But, once I'm home, I can take the rest of the evening off. I can play with my cats, do chores, go out with friends, watch TV, or go to bed early with no guilt. This time I'm going for quality over quantity.

Meep, Meep

I've always liked political cartoons. A picture is worth a thousand words. So, in grand political cartoon style, here's what's going on in my life right now:

Last night, as I eagerly awaited catching the dinner I've been pursuing for 7 1/2 years, my meal turned around, stuck its tongue out at me, defiantly said "Meep, meep!", and sped off.

So I get to go chase it again. Sigh.

Travel Challenge

Elisabeth wrote a post about a travel challenge. I shamelessly stole the idea and decided to use it for my own blog post. It's a list of 100 places. I've bolded the places I've gone to. I've managed to make it to 15 of them. (I've never been to Napa or Yosemite, despite living only a few hours away for most of my life.) I guess I'm not as well-traveled as I thought. (Though I have set foot on 3 continents.)

Travel Challenge
1. Alamo-San Antonio, Texas (I was in San Antonio a few years ago, but I didn't have time to do anything touristy.)
2. Alhambra-Granada, Spain
3. Andros Island-Bahamas
4. Angel Falls-Venezuela
5. Angkor Wat-Angkor, Cambodia
6. Atlantic City Boardwald-Atlantic City, New Jersey
7. Ayers Rock-Australia
8. Big Ben-London, England
9. Bora Bora-Polynesia
10. British Museum-London, England
11. Canals of Amsterdam-Amsterdam, Netherlands
12. Cathedral of Seville-Seville, Spain
13. Cave of Crystals-Mexico
14. Christ the Redeemer-Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
15. Cinque Terre National Park-Italy
16. Colosseum-Rome, Italy
17. Crater Lake National Park-Oregon
18. Dead Sea-Israel/Jordan (Only on the Israel side. My visa wouldn’t let me go to Jordan.)

19. Death Valley-California
20. Devil's Tower-Wyoming
21. Dome of the Rock-Jerusalem, Israel 

22. Easter Island-Polynesia
23. Edinburgh Castle-Edinburgh, Scotland
24. Eiffel Tower-Paris, France
25. Empire State Building-New York City, New York
26. Forbidden City-Beijing, China
27.  French Quarter-New Orleans, Louisiana

28.  Galapagos Islands-Ecuador (but I have been able to pet a Galapagos turtle!)
29.  Gateway Arch-St. Louis, Missouri
30.  Gettysburg Battlefield-Gettysburg, Pennsylania
31. Glacier Bay Basin-Alaska
32. Glacier National Park-Montana
33. Glowworm Cave-New Zealand
34. Golden Gate Bridge-San Francisco, California
35. Grand Canal-Venice, Italy
36. Grand Canyon-Arizona
37.  Grand Mosque in Mecca-Saudi Arabia
38.  Great Barrier Reef-Queensland, Australia
39.  Great Mosque of Cordoba-Cordoba, Spain
40.  Great Wall of China-China
41. Hagia Sophia-Istanbul, Turkey
42.  Hawaii Volcanoes National Park-Hawaii
43.  Hollywood Boulevard-Hollywood, California
44.  Iguazu Falls-Argentina/Brazil
45.  Kiyomizu-dera-Kyoto, Japan
46. Kremlin-Moscow, Russia
47. Lake Titicaca-Peru
48. Las Ramblas-Barcelona, Spain
49.  Las Vegas Strip-Las Vegas, Nevada
50. Leaning Tower of Pisa-Pisa, Italy
51. Louvre Museum-Paris, France
52. Macchu Picchu-Peru
53. Matterhorn-Switzerland
54. Chichen Itza-Mexico
55.  Metropolitan Museum of Art-New York City
56.  Mount Everest-Nepal
57.  Mount Fuji-Japan
58.  Mount Kilimanjaro-Tanzania
59.  Mount Rushmore-South Dakota
60. Napa Valley-California
61. Ngorongoro Crater-Tanzania
62.  Niagara Falls-New York
63.  Notre Dame Cathedral-Paris, France
64.  Pacific Rim National Park-British Columbia
65.  Pebble beaches of Nice-Nice, France
66. Petra-Jordan
67. Petronas Towers-Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
68.  Portland Head Lighthouse-Maine
69.  Puerta del Sol-Madrid, Spain
70.  Pyramids of Giza-Egypt
71.  Redwood National Park-California
72.  Rock of Gibraltar-Gibraltar
73.  Rocky Mountain National Park-Colorado
74.  Ruins of Athens-Athens, Greece
75.  Ruins of Pompeii-Italy
76.  Sagrada Familia-Barcelona, Spain
77. Sears Tower-Chicago, Illinois
78. Sedlec Ossuary-Czech Republic
79.  Sistine Chapel-Vatican City
80. Smithsonian Institute-Washington, D.C.
81. Space Needle-Seattle, Washington
82. St. Peter's Basilica-Vatican City
83. Statue of Liberty-New York City (I’ve been to the one in Paris, and I’ve seen the one in NYC from the Newark airport.)
84. Stonehenge-England
85. Sydney Opera House-Sydney, Australia
86.  Taj Mahal-Agra, India
87. Temple of the Golden Pavilion-Kyoto, Japan
88. Teotihuacan-Mexico
89.  Tian Tan Buddha-Hong Kong
90. Times Square-New York
91. Varanasi-Uttar Pradesh, India
92. Victoria Falls-Zimbabwe
93. Wailing Wall-Jerusalem, Israel
94. Walt Disney World Resort-Orlando, Florida
95. Washington Monument-Washington, D.C.
96.  White Cliffs of Dover-Dover, England
97. White House-Washington, D.C.
98. Winchester Cathedral-Hampshire, England
99. Yosemite National Park-California
100. Zion National Park-Utah

Bad Car-ma

Last month I wrote about my new (to me, anyway) car and how much I liked it. Well, two days after I wrote that post, my transmission dropped. I had always thought that the description of a transmission dropping was metaphorical. Nope. There was actual dropping involved. My car was in the shop for two weeks.

When I got my car back, I was relieved. I figured that I would be done with all of the automotive nonsense. I drove it around for a few days, and then my car started to have trouble accelerating. I figured that it was the fuel filter, because switching a car that has been running on regular diesel to biodiesel causes a one-time clog in the fuel filter while the diesel is washed out of the tank. So I went to the auto parts store to buy a fuel filter. I checked online to see how to change it, and I decided it was too complex for me to handle by myself.

I called Jiffy Lube, and the guy there said I should take it to a regular mechanic. Since I was on my way to my friend's house, I decided I would take care of it in the morning. On my way to my friend's house, my check engine light came on, and my car wouldn't go over 25 mph even when I floored it. I pulled off to the side of the road and read the engine code. (I bought a check engine light code reader when I got the car. It's come in handy a few times.) The engine code said that there was a problem in the clutch solenoid.

I called my friend and she came to pick me up while we waited for the tow truck. I had it towed back to the same mechanic who did my transmission because the engine code indicated that it was another transmission problem.

That was over three weeks ago. It turns out that the solenoids are fine. The transmission is fine. The computer is fine. The fuel filter is pristine. But there's some faulty wire somewhere that's sending a bad code to the computer, and the computer has locked the transmission into first gear. The mechanic is still looking for the wire that's causing the problem. He said that he's going to send it to Volkswagen because he's completely baffled by it.

So, here's the scorecard on my car: I bought it in February, and it was in the shop for 3 weeks. Then I drove it for a week. Then it was in the shop for 2 weeks. Then I drove it for half a week. It has now been in the shop for 3 1/2 weeks and counting. Total time of car ownership: 10 weeks. Total time in the shop: 8 1/2 weeks, or 85% of the time I have owned the car. What a nightmare! (I can't even sell it because the check engine light is on, which is an automatic smog failure, and cars sold in CA have to pass smog.)

When I get this car back, it had better be worth it.

Found

I either went out and did the best thing for myself or the stupidest thing in the history of stupidity. Time will tell.

I quit my job this morning. (Technically, I tendered my resignation, effective May 11.) My boss tried to offer me more money to stay. (Oh, so now she thinks I'm worth more, when I'm ready to walk out the door.) I told her it wasn't about the money. She pried, so I told her my ethical concerns with the product. She didn't believe me. She thought I was using that as a cover for something else.

It was really scary to quit without another job lined up. It goes against all business advice. But I feel as if an enormous weight has been lifted off of me. I wasn't really able to interview for jobs while working because I couldn't get out of the office. So now I have time to find something ethical and interesting.

I have 3 weeks left in my current job, and I have 2 weeks of vacation pay saved up. So, that gives me 5 weeks to find a new job before I even feel a pinch in the wallet. Totally doable. The longest it's ever taken me to find a new job when I actually put effort into looking is 2 weeks. (I don't know my secret; it's been serendipity every time.) I'll temp until I find something, so I don't have to worry about money. I'm still teaching at San Quentin, so I won't have a resume gap.

Logically, I should feel terrified about this change, but I don't. I feel free. I'm going to get a good night's sleep tonight for the first time in months, and I'm going to be able to look at myself in the mirror in the morning. It's a new day!

Lost

I've been a bit absent over here because of some stuff in my personal life. I've been keeping it to myself, but what's a blog for if I can't spew my personal thoughts on the internet for anyone to read?

So, here goes.

I'm feeling a bit lost right now. I'm unsatisfied in my job. At first it was just the standard overworked/underpaid thing. I like my co-workers, and until last week, I had the best boss ever. She just retired. I applied for her position, and I didn't get it because my company never promotes internally. (Terrible business practice if you ask me - it ensures that the best talent will leave.) My new boss is a bit of a micromanager, and if there's one thing I can't stand, it's being micromanaged.

Plus, I've been doing some serious soul-searching, and I'm not really comfortable with the product the company produces. While the product itself has innocuous uses, it also enables very bad people to do very bad things. (And the company actively markets the product to those very bad people, though it doesn't officially condone the very bad things they do with the product.) For a while, I told myself that since I'm not the one writing the code, I'm not responsible. But the thing is, I am. I help find the engineers who write the code, and I support them and try to make their job easier. So I share some of the blame, and it's stuff I don't want on my conscience.

When I first got the job, I didn't know what the product did. I didn't need to; I just answered the phone and made photocopies. I continued that ignorance when I was promoted into human resources. Once again, I didn't really need to know about the product to answer employee questions about medical leave or health insurance. Then, a year or so later, we got bought by Big Defense Contractor. (It's a name you would recognize.) I wondered what Big Defense Contractor would want with a Silicon Valley software company, so I started asking questions. It's true, what they say. Ignorance really is bliss.

I figured I would get out after the bar exam. Then I failed the bar. In January, I decided, bar or no bar, I needed to find another job. I've been looking since then, and I haven't even had a single interview. Over the past few weeks, it's gotten so that I can barely sleep at night. I find myself dreading Monday mornings. And I'm powerless to do anything about it. I can't quit because I have no savings and I'm living paycheck to paycheck. I'm still 4 weeks away from getting my bar exam results. If I pass, it's tempting to just take my chances starting my own law firm. But what if I don't pass the bar?

It's so bad that I'm seriously considering going back to the home health care agency I used to work at. The work was emotionally draining, and the pay was terrible, but at least it was ethical. I'm also considering going back to my old temp agency and answering phones at various places. But that's how I got into this mess in the first place.

I know eventually I want to become a professor, but that's still at least 2-3 years out. I have to find something to do until then. Any ideas?

Good Car-ma

Back in 2005 I was broke. I had just started law school in San Francisco, and I was living with my parents in San Jose. I had no car.

My dad would drop me off at the train station on his way into work in the morning and pick me up at the station on his way home. The train wasn't too bad, except for the fact that my commute was 2 hours each way. After a few months of this, I decided I couldn't deal with it anymore. So I looked in the classified ads and found a car in my price range that looked decent.

The car was a 1990 Toyota Camry with 195,000 miles on it. The seller wanted $1200 for it. I took the car for a test drive and decided that I wanted to get it. My dad recommended against it because he said that it was too risky to buy a car that old and with mileage that high. I ignored his advice and bought the car anyway.

Back from Oblivion

I apologize for my long absence. It turns out that working full-time, studying for the bar exam, and teaching a college English class isn't really conducive to blogging. Now that the bar exam is over, I'm back in the game. The exam was two weeks ago, but I'm only now making up my sleep debt. (Just in time to incur a new one. Thanks, Daylight Saving Time!)

All the talk of sleep debt makes me wonder - what is the sleep interest rate? If I'm overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of it all, can I declare sleep bankruptcy? What will that do to my sleep credit score?

This reminds me of a verse of scripture. Among other things, Doctrine and Covenants 88:124 admonishes us to "cease to sleep longer than is needful." At the risk of getting struck by lightning, I'll have to admit that whenever I hear that phrase, I laugh a bit. Who has time to sleep longer than is needful? I would settle for even being able to sleep as long as is needful.

Surfacing for air

I'm still alive over here! I've been a bit busy with work, bar exam study, teaching, and general life. I'll be a bit absent for the next 3 weeks, but once the bar is over, I'll be back.

I crossed paths with one of my co-workers in the hall today. Our encounter went like this:

Co-worker: Hi. How are you today?
Me: Fine. You?
Co-worker: Great.

It was a pretty superficial conversation. In all honesty, I'm not doing fine. I'm tired, grouchy, and I have a headache from the lack of sleep. But I also know that "how are you?" isn't really a question. It's a greeting.

I wonder why that is. Was it always this way? Or was there a time when people asked and actually wanted to know the answer?

Resolved

Happy 2012, everyone! Only 355 days until the end of the world (or the end of the Mayan calendar, take your pick).



Last year, I made an ambitious list of resolutions, but I only managed to keep one of them. (Graduate from law school.) My graduation day was on May 21, 2011, which you may remember was supposed to be the end of the world as well. I guess, in true procrastination form, I wait until just the last minute to get anything important done! (What I figure is somebody should just predict every day as the end of the world. Then eventually they'll be right.)

So, here's my list of resolutions for 2012:

• Gain admission to the bar of at least one U.S. jurisdiction (preferrably California).
• Publish at least one law review article.
  
• Complete the Couch to 5K program.
• Make at least one food storage meal per week and blog about it.

This looks pretty doable.

The Night Before Christmas

Every Christmas Eve, we have a family tradition of ordering pizza for dinner and then lighting a fire in the fireplace, reading the Christmas story, and singing Christmas carols until we're hoarse.

This year, the city of San Jose banned the burning of wood fires, so we had to make due with candles. As my dad was reading the Christmas story, he started to trip over the words. (We were reading from the King James version, so the language, while beautiful, is a bit archaic.) There was a portion of the story where the baby Jesus was referred to as the "fruit of the womb". Well, my dad messed up and said "Fruit of the Loom". So we had to pause as we erupted in laughter. We then decided that the swadling clothes were Fruit of the Loom brand.

At least nobody accidentally called francincense "Frankenstein" this year.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Card 2011

I didn't get a chance to send out Christmas cards this year, and I didn't find any e-cards that I liked. So, I designed my own.

Wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Love,
Trudy (and Ebony and Tuffguy)