Here's some background: Lawyers use funny words like "heretofore", "whereas", etc. There is a movement in the profession to eliminate this language. However, a request to the court is still called a "prayer". (This is not meant as any form of sacrilege; it's a holdover from mid-English, meaning a request.)
In my legal writing and research class, we had an open question and answer session in preparation for the final paper. The professor was reminding us that when we write, to avoid legalese. One of my classmates said, "Then, why do we still pray?"
Before the professor could reply, I piped up with, "Because we're going to need all the help we can get on this paper."
I got a good laugh out of the class.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Funny T-shirts
I'm not really much of a t-shirt with sayings kind of person, but I do enjoy a good one now and then. (Jen is the queen of funny shirts. She could probably wear a different one each day for 2-3 weeks before repeating.) Anyway, I haven't bought any new clothes for longer than I can remember. (Most of my stuff comes from thrift stores.)
I saw one online last night that I'm seriously tempted to get. It read: Bad grammar makes me [sic]!
Another one I like that I might get says: Obey gravity. It's the law.
I saw one online last night that I'm seriously tempted to get. It read: Bad grammar makes me [sic]!
Another one I like that I might get says: Obey gravity. It's the law.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
I Think I'm Going to Paint My Car
My car is old. So old, in fact, that if it were a person, it would be old enough to vote. I drive a 1990 Toyota Camry with 255,000 miles on it. It's red, after a fashion. The car has needed a paint job since before I bought it. Every so often, I consider painting it, but I always toss out the idea because I figure the car won't be around much longer anyway. I've finally come to the conclusion that Toyotas are indestructible, so I might as well just do it.
I've been driving for 11 years, and I've had the privilege to drive 13 different vehicles. (This includes rental cars and business fleet cars.) The only car I've ever been pulled over in is my current car, where I've been pulled over 3 times in the past year. I wasn't breaking the law any of the times I was pulled over, and I wasn't ticketed. Unless the East Palo Alto police, the Fremont Police, and the California Highway Patrol are in some sort of conspiracy, it must be something about my car.
So, since my car needs a new paint job anyway, I'm asking you, my readers what color I should paint it.
I've been driving for 11 years, and I've had the privilege to drive 13 different vehicles. (This includes rental cars and business fleet cars.) The only car I've ever been pulled over in is my current car, where I've been pulled over 3 times in the past year. I wasn't breaking the law any of the times I was pulled over, and I wasn't ticketed. Unless the East Palo Alto police, the Fremont Police, and the California Highway Patrol are in some sort of conspiracy, it must be something about my car.
So, since my car needs a new paint job anyway, I'm asking you, my readers what color I should paint it.
Friday, October 10, 2008
An Open Letter to the California Highway Patrol
Dear California Highway Patrol,
Your officers have the guns. I understand that- that's why I had to bite my tongue as I was pulled over by one of your finest this evening while minding my own business. So, here it is, in all my sarcastic glory.
First, if you really must pull over a woman who is alone after dark, please find a better location than a dark frontage road off High Street in Oakland. This is a particularly dangerous area of an already dangerous city, an area that I never go to, only through. You claimed that you pulled me over "for my safety". I can see that the irony was lost on you. You had several options. After all, you had been tailgating me since San Leandro. I can only assume that you were beat up by a ninja as a teenager and thus have an aversion to anything Japanese, including my Toyota. Either that, or Santa Claus didn't give you any toys as a child, so you hate the color red.
Second, I know the economy is terrible right now, and people are losing jobs left and right. However, I really was on my way to work. Perhaps you were just annoyed to have to work on a Friday night and decided to give me grief to make yourself feel better. Well, you know what, I have to work on Friday nights, too. We're in the same boat, so let's not hassle one another.
Third, believe it or not, some people really don't drink. I was telling you the truth that I've never had an alcoholic beverage in my life. The strongest I've ever had is NyQuil, and that made me vomit. In fact, drinking is against my religion. Do you want to see my temple recommend to prove it?
Fourth, why would someone pretend to be coming from Fremont? I mean, come on, it's a pretty boring place. I bet you felt rather silly once you saw that the address on my drivers' license did indeed say that I live in Fremont.
Fifth, I've made an important discovery. The U.S. Constitution is like Police Kryptonite. I keep my car registration and proof of insurance inside a free copy provided by Lexis Nexis. Various other organizations provide free copies as well. Thank you for being my test subject. As soon as I brought it out to provide the requested documentation, I could see you freeze. Words like "probable cause" began to ring in your mind. It was entertaining to watch you backpedal while delivering a stern lecture just to save face.
I find it difficult to believe in these troubled times that you don't have some real criminals to harass. I suggest that you expend your efforts to apprehend them instead. That would be a much better way to secure my safety.
Sincerely,
A Taxpayer (i.e. someone who pays your salary)
Your officers have the guns. I understand that- that's why I had to bite my tongue as I was pulled over by one of your finest this evening while minding my own business. So, here it is, in all my sarcastic glory.
First, if you really must pull over a woman who is alone after dark, please find a better location than a dark frontage road off High Street in Oakland. This is a particularly dangerous area of an already dangerous city, an area that I never go to, only through. You claimed that you pulled me over "for my safety". I can see that the irony was lost on you. You had several options. After all, you had been tailgating me since San Leandro. I can only assume that you were beat up by a ninja as a teenager and thus have an aversion to anything Japanese, including my Toyota. Either that, or Santa Claus didn't give you any toys as a child, so you hate the color red.
Second, I know the economy is terrible right now, and people are losing jobs left and right. However, I really was on my way to work. Perhaps you were just annoyed to have to work on a Friday night and decided to give me grief to make yourself feel better. Well, you know what, I have to work on Friday nights, too. We're in the same boat, so let's not hassle one another.
Third, believe it or not, some people really don't drink. I was telling you the truth that I've never had an alcoholic beverage in my life. The strongest I've ever had is NyQuil, and that made me vomit. In fact, drinking is against my religion. Do you want to see my temple recommend to prove it?
Fourth, why would someone pretend to be coming from Fremont? I mean, come on, it's a pretty boring place. I bet you felt rather silly once you saw that the address on my drivers' license did indeed say that I live in Fremont.
Fifth, I've made an important discovery. The U.S. Constitution is like Police Kryptonite. I keep my car registration and proof of insurance inside a free copy provided by Lexis Nexis. Various other organizations provide free copies as well. Thank you for being my test subject. As soon as I brought it out to provide the requested documentation, I could see you freeze. Words like "probable cause" began to ring in your mind. It was entertaining to watch you backpedal while delivering a stern lecture just to save face.
I find it difficult to believe in these troubled times that you don't have some real criminals to harass. I suggest that you expend your efforts to apprehend them instead. That would be a much better way to secure my safety.
Sincerely,
A Taxpayer (i.e. someone who pays your salary)
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Word of the Day - Updated
Scene: Legal Writing and Research class
Last night, we were discussing legal analysis, and how to apply rules from multiple cases to a new case. The subject at issue was the importation of "invasive material", which is basically something like Kudzu - a non-native plant or animal that has the potential to choke out native species. In our hypothetical example, the defendant imported a female marsupial mouse.
The professor was trying to get us to think about the issue and he asked how a single mouse could reproduce. People threw out reasonable answers like finding a male marsupial mouse, or finding a male mouse of another variety and cross-breeding. One person blurted out "parthenogenesis!"
We all had a good laugh. I must admit that while I would expect to discuss parthenogenesis in a biology class or in the analysis of a bad science fiction film, I didn't expect to find it in law school.
Update: I just randomly stumbled across a news article stating that a shark in an aquarium in Omaha reproduced by parthenogenesis.
Last night, we were discussing legal analysis, and how to apply rules from multiple cases to a new case. The subject at issue was the importation of "invasive material", which is basically something like Kudzu - a non-native plant or animal that has the potential to choke out native species. In our hypothetical example, the defendant imported a female marsupial mouse.
The professor was trying to get us to think about the issue and he asked how a single mouse could reproduce. People threw out reasonable answers like finding a male marsupial mouse, or finding a male mouse of another variety and cross-breeding. One person blurted out "parthenogenesis!"
We all had a good laugh. I must admit that while I would expect to discuss parthenogenesis in a biology class or in the analysis of a bad science fiction film, I didn't expect to find it in law school.
Update: I just randomly stumbled across a news article stating that a shark in an aquarium in Omaha reproduced by parthenogenesis.
Monday, September 29, 2008
My Other Job Involves Time Travel...
Ok, so I'm involved in a bit of a juggling act right now. I have a full-time weekend job (one 34 hour shift beginning on Friday nights) that pays terribly but gives me medical and dental benefits and the priceless benefit of a steady, predictable paycheck. We'll call this Job A.
I also work for a temp agency during the week, your standard 8-5. Well, actually, it's more like 7:30-4:30 because I'm also going to night school. Anyway, I rarely know more than a few days in advance (and sometimes only a few hours in advance), where or if I'll be working on any given day. The pay is better, but it's sporadic, unpredictable, and lacks benefits. We'll call this Job B. Job A knows about Job B, but I usually try to keep Job B from knowing about Job A.
This morning, I got an e-mail from my boss at Job A asking me about my availability for a staff meeting. Our staff is diffused, and we only really meet monthly. All other communication is written. Meetings are usually held on weekday evenings, but can be held at any mutually convenient time. I'm in class on weekday evenings, but I was able to propose an evening when I happen not to have class due to fall break. Anyway, I was explaining why I couldn't commit to a daytime meeting, and apparently I had too much else on my mind while I was writing this. Here's the direct quote:
"I don't have classes the evenings of [redacted], so either of those evenings would work. I can't really commit to daytimes right now because I never know when/where I'll be on any given day."
Oops. Lesson of the day: proofread.
I also work for a temp agency during the week, your standard 8-5. Well, actually, it's more like 7:30-4:30 because I'm also going to night school. Anyway, I rarely know more than a few days in advance (and sometimes only a few hours in advance), where or if I'll be working on any given day. The pay is better, but it's sporadic, unpredictable, and lacks benefits. We'll call this Job B. Job A knows about Job B, but I usually try to keep Job B from knowing about Job A.
This morning, I got an e-mail from my boss at Job A asking me about my availability for a staff meeting. Our staff is diffused, and we only really meet monthly. All other communication is written. Meetings are usually held on weekday evenings, but can be held at any mutually convenient time. I'm in class on weekday evenings, but I was able to propose an evening when I happen not to have class due to fall break. Anyway, I was explaining why I couldn't commit to a daytime meeting, and apparently I had too much else on my mind while I was writing this. Here's the direct quote:
"I don't have classes the evenings of [redacted], so either of those evenings would work. I can't really commit to daytimes right now because I never know when/where I'll be on any given day."
Oops. Lesson of the day: proofread.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
80 Skills Everyone Should Know
Popular Mechanics put out a list entitled "100 Skills Every Man Should Know". Technically, it was 80 skills one should know and 20 tools one should own. The skills were broken into categories. I'm going to expand it from "every man" to "every person". I went over the list of 80 skills and I've marked in bold the ones I know how to do.
Automotive
1. Handle a blowout
2. Drive in snow (It doesn't snow where I live.)
3. Check trouble codes
4. Replace fan belt
5. Wax a car (On my mission, it was a rule that we had to wax the car once per month. It usually managed to get done quarterly.)
6. Conquer an off-road obstacle
7. Use a stick welder
8. Hitch up a trailer
9. Jump start a car (I have this bad habit of leaving my lights on and running down the battery.)
Handling Emergencies
10. Perform the Heimlich
11. Reverse hypothermia
12. Perform hands-only CPR
13. Escape a sinking car
Home
14. Carve a turkey (Never had a reason to learn. However, I do know how to carve a tofurky.)
15. Use a sewing machine
16. Put out a fire
17. Home brew beer
18. Remove bloodstains from fabric (Hydrogen peroxide works great.)
19. Move heavy stuff
20. Grow food
21. Read an electric meter
22. Shovel the right way (There's a right way?)
23. Solder wire
24. Tape drywall
25. Split firewood
26. Replace a faucet washer
27. Mix concrete
28. Paint a straight line
29. Use a French knife (I had never heard it called that, though. My mom always called it a chef's knife.)
30. Prune bushes and small trees
31. Iron a shirt
32. Fix a toilet tank flapper
33. Change a single-pole switch
34. Fell a tree
35. Replace a broken windowpane
36. Set up a ladder, safely
37. Fix a faucet cartridge
38. Sweat copper tubing
39. Change a diaper
40. Grill with charcoal
41. Sew a button on a shirt
42. Fold a flag
Medical Myths (I have a medical job right now.)
43. Treat frostbite
44. Treat a burn
45. Help a seizure victim
46. Treat a snakebite
47. Remove a tick
Military Know-How (Two years of ROTC will do that...)
48. Shine shoes
49. Make a drum-tight bed
50. Drop and give the perfect pushup
Outdoors
51. Run rapids in a canoe
52. Hang food in the wild
53. Skipper a boat
54. Shoot straight
55. Tackle steep drops on a mountain bike
56. Escape a rip current
Primitive Skills (11 years as a Girl Scout)
57. Build a fire in the wilderness
58. Build a shelter
59. Find potable water
Surviving Extremes
60. Floods
61. Tornados
62. Cold
63. Heat
64. Lightning
Teach Your Kids (I don't have any, but I still know some of these skills.)
65. Cast a line
66. Lend a hand
67. Change a tire
68. Throw a spiral
69. Fly a stunt kite
70. Drive a stick shift
71. Parallel park
72. Tie a bowline
73. Tie a necktie
74. Whittle
75. Ride a bike (You haven't lived until you've commuted by bicycle in San Francisco. It's a slow, arduous process, but it's faster and cheaper than the bus. Just watch out for cars trying to run you over.)
Technology
76. Install a graphics card
77. Take the perfect portrait
78. Calibrate HDTV settings
79. Shoot a home movie
80. Ditch your hard drive
Not bad 57/80 is 71%. A C- on life skills!
Automotive
1. Handle a blowout
2. Drive in snow (It doesn't snow where I live.)
3. Check trouble codes
4. Replace fan belt
5. Wax a car (On my mission, it was a rule that we had to wax the car once per month. It usually managed to get done quarterly.)
6. Conquer an off-road obstacle
7. Use a stick welder
8. Hitch up a trailer
9. Jump start a car (I have this bad habit of leaving my lights on and running down the battery.)
Handling Emergencies
10. Perform the Heimlich
11. Reverse hypothermia
12. Perform hands-only CPR
13. Escape a sinking car
Home
14. Carve a turkey (Never had a reason to learn. However, I do know how to carve a tofurky.)
15. Use a sewing machine
16. Put out a fire
17. Home brew beer
18. Remove bloodstains from fabric (Hydrogen peroxide works great.)
19. Move heavy stuff
20. Grow food
21. Read an electric meter
22. Shovel the right way (There's a right way?)
23. Solder wire
24. Tape drywall
25. Split firewood
26. Replace a faucet washer
27. Mix concrete
28. Paint a straight line
29. Use a French knife (I had never heard it called that, though. My mom always called it a chef's knife.)
30. Prune bushes and small trees
31. Iron a shirt
32. Fix a toilet tank flapper
33. Change a single-pole switch
34. Fell a tree
35. Replace a broken windowpane
36. Set up a ladder, safely
37. Fix a faucet cartridge
38. Sweat copper tubing
39. Change a diaper
40. Grill with charcoal
41. Sew a button on a shirt
42. Fold a flag
Medical Myths (I have a medical job right now.)
43. Treat frostbite
44. Treat a burn
45. Help a seizure victim
46. Treat a snakebite
47. Remove a tick
Military Know-How (Two years of ROTC will do that...)
48. Shine shoes
49. Make a drum-tight bed
50. Drop and give the perfect pushup
Outdoors
51. Run rapids in a canoe
52. Hang food in the wild
53. Skipper a boat
54. Shoot straight
55. Tackle steep drops on a mountain bike
56. Escape a rip current
Primitive Skills (11 years as a Girl Scout)
57. Build a fire in the wilderness
58. Build a shelter
59. Find potable water
Surviving Extremes
60. Floods
61. Tornados
62. Cold
63. Heat
64. Lightning
Teach Your Kids (I don't have any, but I still know some of these skills.)
65. Cast a line
66. Lend a hand
67. Change a tire
68. Throw a spiral
69. Fly a stunt kite
70. Drive a stick shift
71. Parallel park
72. Tie a bowline
73. Tie a necktie
74. Whittle
75. Ride a bike (You haven't lived until you've commuted by bicycle in San Francisco. It's a slow, arduous process, but it's faster and cheaper than the bus. Just watch out for cars trying to run you over.)
Technology
76. Install a graphics card
77. Take the perfect portrait
78. Calibrate HDTV settings
79. Shoot a home movie
80. Ditch your hard drive
Not bad 57/80 is 71%. A C- on life skills!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Have You Ever?
Here's another installment of "Borrowed from Elisabeth's Blog". It's a list of 200 things that people may have done. The ones I've done are in bold. There's one thing on the list that I've done that I won't admit to.
Have you ever...
1. Touched an iceberg (I was in Canada. It was July. Seriously.)
2. Slept under the stars (On multiple occasions. My favorite was on a trampoline.)
3. Been a part of a hockey fight
4. Changed a baby's diaper
5. Watched a meteor shower (I always seem to look away right before the meteor goes by, though. I watch meteor showers every year and I’ve only seen a few meteors.)
6. Given to a charity
7. Swam with wild dolphins
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a tarantula
10. Said "I love you" and meant it
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights (A few years ago they were visible in Sacramento, a 2 hour drive from my place. I didn’t go and I wish I had.)
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables (Well, tomatoes and bell peppers are technically fruits, but I’m counting it anyway. I got one tomato and two peppers. I made an omelet, and then the plants died.)
19. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope (I was an astronomy lab technician in college. I got to look through lots of telescopes. The coolest was looking at Jupiter through a 14” observatory telescope. It’s amazing.)
20. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Bet on a winning horse
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill (I call them “mental health days”.)
24. Held a lamb
25. Gone skinny dipping
26. Taken an ice cold bath
27. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
28. Seen a total eclipse (I’ve seen both lunar and solar.)
29. Ridden a roller coaster
30. Hit a home run (It was inside the park, and only because the fielders dropped the ball, but it still counts.)
31. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
32. Adopted an accent for fun
33. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (My dad was born at Stanford. I took a class at Stanford when I was a sophomore in college.)
34. Felt very happy about your life, even for just a moment
35. Loved your job 90% of the time
36. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
37. Watched wild whales
38. Gone rock climbing
39. Gone on a walk on the beach
40. Gone sky diving (It was indoor skydiving in a wind tunnel. I have no desire to do it for real unless the airplane is about to crash or something.)
41. Ever bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
42. Bench-pressed your own weight (Actually, it was a little more than my own weight.)
43. Milked a cow (No, but I’ve milked a goat.)
44. Alphabetized your personal files
45. Worn a superhero costume
46. Sung karaoke (I’m probably the only person to have ever done so while sober.)
47. Lounged around in bed all day
48. Gone scuba diving
49. Kissed in the rain
50. Played in the mud
51. Gone to a drive-in theater
52. Done something you should regret, but don't
53. Visited the Great Wall of China
54. Started a business (I sold candles on the internet for a while.)
55. Been in a movie (Low-budget college film projects.)
56. Gone without food for 3 days
57. Made cookies from scratch
58. Won first prize in a costume contest
59. Got flowers for no reason (My ex loved to give flowers. I’m just not into flowers. Unless they’re still alive and growing in the ground.)
60. Spoken more than one language fluently
61. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone (Do verbal fights count?)
62. Bounced a check
63. Read and understood your credit report
64. Found out something significant that your ancestors did (My mom is really into that stuff. She could spend hours regaling me with tales.)
65. Called or written your Congress person
66. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
67. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
68. Helped an animal give birth
69. Been fired or laid off from a job
70. Won money
71. Broken a bone
72. Ridden a motorcycle
73. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
74. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
75. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
77. Had your picture in the newspaper
78. Read the Bible cover to cover
79. Changed some one's mind about something you care deeply about
80. Gone back to school
81. Changed your name
82. Eaten fried green tomatoes
83. Read The Iliad
84. Taught yourself an art from scratch (Candlemaking.)
85. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (I’m a vegetarian. I have, however, killed and prepared a vegetable for eating.)
86. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
87. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
88. Been elected to public office
89. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
90. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
91. Dyed your hair
92. Rocked a baby to sleep
93. Ever dropped a cat from a high place to see if it really lands on all fours
94. Raked your carpet
95. Worn a mood ring
96. Ridden a horse
97. Carved an animal from a piece of wood or bar of soap
98. Cooked a dish where four people asked for the recipe (My applesauce is famous.)
99. Buried a child
100. Gone to a Broadway play
101. Been inside the pyramids
102. Shot a basketball into a basket (I played basketball in college. It was on my ROTC unit’s team. We were all so short that at 5’3” I was the center.)
103. Danced at a disco
104. Played in a band
105. Shot a bird
106. Gone to an arboretum
107. Tutored someone
108. Ridden a train (I commuted by train daily for two years.)
109. Brought an old fad back into style
110. Eaten caviar
111. Let a salesman talk you into something you didn't need
112. Ridden a giraffe or elephant
113. Published a book
114. Pieced a quilt
115. Lived in a historic place
116. Acted in a play or performed on a stage
117. Asked for a raise (I got it, too.)
118. Made a hole-in-one mini golfing
119. Gone deep sea fishing
120. Gone roller skating
121. Run a marathon (Well, I didn’t run it all. It was a marathon relay. My leg was only 2.5 miles.)
122. Learned to surf
123. Invented something
124. Flown first class
125. Spent the night in a 5-star luxury hotel
126. Sang a solo
127. Gone spelunking
128. Learned how to take a compliment
129. Written a love-story
130. Seen Michelangelo's David (It was a replica, though.)
131. Had your portrait painted
132. Written a fan letter
133. Spent the night in something haunted
134. Ran away
135. Learned to juggle
136. Been a boss
137. Sat on a jury (Almost. I got dismissed as a peremptory challenge during voir dire.)
138. Lied about your weight
139. Gone on a diet
140. Found an arrowhead or a gold nugget
141. Written a poem (They usually start “There once was a man from Nantucket…”)
142. Carried your lunch in a lunchbox
143. Gotten food poisoning
144. Gone on a service, humanitarian or religious mission
145. Sat on a park bench and fed the ducks
146. Gone to the opera
147. Gotten a letter from someone famous (When I got my Girl Scout Gold Award, the equivalent of Eagle Scout, I got a whole packet of form letters from famous people. Steven Spielberg was among them. I can’t remember any others.)
148. Worn knickers
149. Ridden in a limousine
150. Attended the Olympics
151. Can hula or waltz
152. Read a half dozen Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys books
153. Been stuck in an elevator
154. Had a revelatory dream
155. Thought you might crash in an airplane
156. Had a song dedicated to you on the radio or at a concert
157. Saved someone's life
158. Eaten raw whale
159. Know how to tat, smock or do needlepoint
160. Laughed till your side hurt
161. Straddled the equator
162. Taken a photograph of something other than people that is worth framing
163. Gone to a Shakespeare Festival (Ashland, Oregon. It was a ton of fun.)
164. Sent a message in a bottle
165. Spent the night in a hostel
166. Been a cashier
167. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
168. Joined a union
169. Donated blood
170. Built a campfire
171. Kept a blog
172. Had hives
173. Worn custom made shoes or boots
174. Made a PowerPoint Presentation
175. Taken a Hunter's Safety Course
176. Served at a soup kitchen (We didn’t serve soup, though.)
177. Conquered the Rubik's cube (Only by cheating. If you throw it to the ground really hard, the pieces will come apart. You can then re-assemble it in a solved position. Much faster than peeling the stickers off.)
178. Known CPR
179. Gone fishing (All I caught was a tumbleweed and a lily pad. The frog who owned the lily pad was a bit upset at me and ribbited threateningly.)
180. Found a long lost friend
181. Voted for a contestant on American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance
182. Successfully convinced someone you were of a different nationality (Well, I convinced them that I was a different nationality than they originally thought I was. They thought I was Israeli, and after some convincing they finally believed that I’m an American, which I am.)
183. Received a promotion
184. Movie-hopped (Gone to two movies in a theater and only paying for the first movie)
185. Planned a surprise party for someone
186. Beaten all levels of a video game
187. Driven more than 2,500 miles on a cross-country trip
188. Cried yourself to sleep
189. Stayed awake for more than 24 hours
190. Crossed a national border by car (Montana to Alberta)
191. Been to an island (Alcatraz. As a tourist, not a resident.)
192. Been completely out of debt -student loans, house, and all (Sadly, this is no longer the case. Only student loans, though. I just paid off my credit card today. Happy dance!)
193. Read a book from the Twilight series
194. Traveled to Italy
195. Given birth
196. Helped solve a crime
197. Learned to meditate
198. Owned your dream car
199. Learned to love eating raw vegetables
200. Seen all 50 states
Have you ever...
1. Touched an iceberg (I was in Canada. It was July. Seriously.)
2. Slept under the stars (On multiple occasions. My favorite was on a trampoline.)
3. Been a part of a hockey fight
4. Changed a baby's diaper
5. Watched a meteor shower (I always seem to look away right before the meteor goes by, though. I watch meteor showers every year and I’ve only seen a few meteors.)
6. Given to a charity
7. Swam with wild dolphins
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a tarantula
10. Said "I love you" and meant it
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights (A few years ago they were visible in Sacramento, a 2 hour drive from my place. I didn’t go and I wish I had.)
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables (Well, tomatoes and bell peppers are technically fruits, but I’m counting it anyway. I got one tomato and two peppers. I made an omelet, and then the plants died.)
19. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope (I was an astronomy lab technician in college. I got to look through lots of telescopes. The coolest was looking at Jupiter through a 14” observatory telescope. It’s amazing.)
20. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Bet on a winning horse
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill (I call them “mental health days”.)
24. Held a lamb
25. Gone skinny dipping
26. Taken an ice cold bath
27. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
28. Seen a total eclipse (I’ve seen both lunar and solar.)
29. Ridden a roller coaster
30. Hit a home run (It was inside the park, and only because the fielders dropped the ball, but it still counts.)
31. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
32. Adopted an accent for fun
33. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (My dad was born at Stanford. I took a class at Stanford when I was a sophomore in college.)
34. Felt very happy about your life, even for just a moment
35. Loved your job 90% of the time
36. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
37. Watched wild whales
38. Gone rock climbing
39. Gone on a walk on the beach
40. Gone sky diving (It was indoor skydiving in a wind tunnel. I have no desire to do it for real unless the airplane is about to crash or something.)
41. Ever bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
42. Bench-pressed your own weight (Actually, it was a little more than my own weight.)
43. Milked a cow (No, but I’ve milked a goat.)
44. Alphabetized your personal files
45. Worn a superhero costume
46. Sung karaoke (I’m probably the only person to have ever done so while sober.)
47. Lounged around in bed all day
48. Gone scuba diving
49. Kissed in the rain
50. Played in the mud
51. Gone to a drive-in theater
52. Done something you should regret, but don't
53. Visited the Great Wall of China
54. Started a business (I sold candles on the internet for a while.)
55. Been in a movie (Low-budget college film projects.)
56. Gone without food for 3 days
57. Made cookies from scratch
58. Won first prize in a costume contest
59. Got flowers for no reason (My ex loved to give flowers. I’m just not into flowers. Unless they’re still alive and growing in the ground.)
60. Spoken more than one language fluently
61. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone (Do verbal fights count?)
62. Bounced a check
63. Read and understood your credit report
64. Found out something significant that your ancestors did (My mom is really into that stuff. She could spend hours regaling me with tales.)
65. Called or written your Congress person
66. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
67. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
68. Helped an animal give birth
69. Been fired or laid off from a job
70. Won money
71. Broken a bone
72. Ridden a motorcycle
73. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
74. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
75. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
77. Had your picture in the newspaper
78. Read the Bible cover to cover
79. Changed some one's mind about something you care deeply about
80. Gone back to school
81. Changed your name
82. Eaten fried green tomatoes
83. Read The Iliad
84. Taught yourself an art from scratch (Candlemaking.)
85. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (I’m a vegetarian. I have, however, killed and prepared a vegetable for eating.)
86. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
87. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
88. Been elected to public office
89. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
90. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
91. Dyed your hair
92. Rocked a baby to sleep
93. Ever dropped a cat from a high place to see if it really lands on all fours
94. Raked your carpet
95. Worn a mood ring
96. Ridden a horse
97. Carved an animal from a piece of wood or bar of soap
98. Cooked a dish where four people asked for the recipe (My applesauce is famous.)
99. Buried a child
100. Gone to a Broadway play
101. Been inside the pyramids
102. Shot a basketball into a basket (I played basketball in college. It was on my ROTC unit’s team. We were all so short that at 5’3” I was the center.)
103. Danced at a disco
104. Played in a band
105. Shot a bird
106. Gone to an arboretum
107. Tutored someone
108. Ridden a train (I commuted by train daily for two years.)
109. Brought an old fad back into style
110. Eaten caviar
111. Let a salesman talk you into something you didn't need
112. Ridden a giraffe or elephant
113. Published a book
114. Pieced a quilt
115. Lived in a historic place
116. Acted in a play or performed on a stage
117. Asked for a raise (I got it, too.)
118. Made a hole-in-one mini golfing
119. Gone deep sea fishing
120. Gone roller skating
121. Run a marathon (Well, I didn’t run it all. It was a marathon relay. My leg was only 2.5 miles.)
122. Learned to surf
123. Invented something
124. Flown first class
125. Spent the night in a 5-star luxury hotel
126. Sang a solo
127. Gone spelunking
128. Learned how to take a compliment
129. Written a love-story
130. Seen Michelangelo's David (It was a replica, though.)
131. Had your portrait painted
132. Written a fan letter
133. Spent the night in something haunted
134. Ran away
135. Learned to juggle
136. Been a boss
137. Sat on a jury (Almost. I got dismissed as a peremptory challenge during voir dire.)
138. Lied about your weight
139. Gone on a diet
140. Found an arrowhead or a gold nugget
141. Written a poem (They usually start “There once was a man from Nantucket…”)
142. Carried your lunch in a lunchbox
143. Gotten food poisoning
144. Gone on a service, humanitarian or religious mission
145. Sat on a park bench and fed the ducks
146. Gone to the opera
147. Gotten a letter from someone famous (When I got my Girl Scout Gold Award, the equivalent of Eagle Scout, I got a whole packet of form letters from famous people. Steven Spielberg was among them. I can’t remember any others.)
148. Worn knickers
149. Ridden in a limousine
150. Attended the Olympics
151. Can hula or waltz
152. Read a half dozen Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys books
153. Been stuck in an elevator
154. Had a revelatory dream
155. Thought you might crash in an airplane
156. Had a song dedicated to you on the radio or at a concert
157. Saved someone's life
158. Eaten raw whale
159. Know how to tat, smock or do needlepoint
160. Laughed till your side hurt
161. Straddled the equator
162. Taken a photograph of something other than people that is worth framing
163. Gone to a Shakespeare Festival (Ashland, Oregon. It was a ton of fun.)
164. Sent a message in a bottle
165. Spent the night in a hostel
166. Been a cashier
167. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
168. Joined a union
169. Donated blood
170. Built a campfire
171. Kept a blog
172. Had hives
173. Worn custom made shoes or boots
174. Made a PowerPoint Presentation
175. Taken a Hunter's Safety Course
176. Served at a soup kitchen (We didn’t serve soup, though.)
177. Conquered the Rubik's cube (Only by cheating. If you throw it to the ground really hard, the pieces will come apart. You can then re-assemble it in a solved position. Much faster than peeling the stickers off.)
178. Known CPR
179. Gone fishing (All I caught was a tumbleweed and a lily pad. The frog who owned the lily pad was a bit upset at me and ribbited threateningly.)
180. Found a long lost friend
181. Voted for a contestant on American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance
182. Successfully convinced someone you were of a different nationality (Well, I convinced them that I was a different nationality than they originally thought I was. They thought I was Israeli, and after some convincing they finally believed that I’m an American, which I am.)
183. Received a promotion
184. Movie-hopped (Gone to two movies in a theater and only paying for the first movie)
185. Planned a surprise party for someone
186. Beaten all levels of a video game
187. Driven more than 2,500 miles on a cross-country trip
188. Cried yourself to sleep
189. Stayed awake for more than 24 hours
190. Crossed a national border by car (Montana to Alberta)
191. Been to an island (Alcatraz. As a tourist, not a resident.)
192. Been completely out of debt -student loans, house, and all (Sadly, this is no longer the case. Only student loans, though. I just paid off my credit card today. Happy dance!)
193. Read a book from the Twilight series
194. Traveled to Italy
195. Given birth
196. Helped solve a crime
197. Learned to meditate
198. Owned your dream car
199. Learned to love eating raw vegetables
200. Seen all 50 states
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Musical Instruments
I love music. I like to think I have a talent for it, but I've never liked practicing enough to get good at a particular instrument. I've dabbled a bit on the following instruments:
1) Cello. This was my first instrument. When I was in kindergarten we had an assembly at school where some musicians came to play and talk about their instruments. There was a cellist there. I was mesmerized, and I decided that I wanted to play the cello. In 4th grade, I had that chance when I joined the school orchestra. I was the only cellist at the school, so I had to sit in the violin class, but it was fun anyway. The cello was almost as big as I was, and I looked pretty silly carrying that thing home from school. I played for a year until we moved across town to a school that didn't have an orchestra.
2) Flute. I wanted to play the oboe. I had become interested in the oboe in 4th grade, just before I started playing the cello, and I decided that if I ever couldn't play the cello, it would be the oboe. In order to play the oboe, most people recommend that you play the clarinet first. So...when I moved to a school that only did wind instruments, I decided I wanted to play the clarinet for a year in preparation for the oboe. My mother, however, had other plans. She had played the clarinet as a child and didn't like it, so she figured that I wouldn't like it either. She said that if I wanted to play in the band that it had to be the flute. I wanted to be in the band, so I acquiesced. I wasn't very good at getting any sound out of the darn thing, so at the end of the school year, that was the end of my flute playing. (The funny aside to that is a few years later, my sister wanted to play the flute and my mom made her play the clarinet instead because I didn't like the flute. She ended up hating the clarinet. Go figure.)
3) Piano. When I was 14, my great-grandmother passed away, and we inherited her piano. My mom said that we all (me, my sister, and my mom--somehow my dad was off the hook on this one) had to take piano lessons for 6 months in order to keep the piano. I so did not want to take piano lessons. (I was still holding out hope for the oboe.) I already knew how to read both the treble and bass clef (bass from the cello, treble from the flute), so I had a leg up on that. At the end of 6 months, my sister quit lessons because she didn't like it, and my mom quit lessons because she was too busy. However, my mom made me take lessons for another 6 months. At the end of the year, I quit lessons because I didn't like it. My mom told me that I would regret quitting, and I told her I wouldn't.
4) Recorder. When I was 16, I decided to teach myself how to play the recorder. I started with the soprano recorder, but it sounded like a toy, so I switched to the tenor. This was the first instrument since the cello that I enjoyed playing. I picked it up pretty quickly and had a chance to play in church a few times. It sounds a bit like a flute, but it's pitched more like an oboe. In fact, since there is almost no recorder music available, I would often buy oboe music and play that. I still play every so often.
5) Organ. Remember how my mom said that I would regret quitting piano lessons? Well, she was right. I picked up the organ when I was about 18. (And boy was it heavy...) A family friend gave me a few lessons to get me started, and then I went to college. I started college as a music minor. (That quickly switched to philosophy, but that's a subject for another day.) Anyway, in order to minor in music, I had to take private music lessons on any instrument of my choice, and the recorder didn't count. Since I didn't own any musical instruments and I couldn't afford to buy one on a college student budget, I decided on the organ. There was only one organ teacher at the university, and so I began my lessons. He was totally full of himself and we didn't get along at all. At the end of the quarter, I switched to voice lessons. I still play the organ on occasion, and it's one of the instruments I enjoy. It's funny when people ask me about it, because I'm actually much more comfortable on the organ than the piano. Most people who play both tend to prefer the piano. I try to avoid the piano whenever possible because I'm just so bad at it. An organ covers a multitude of mistakes.
6) Bugle. When I was in college, I was in the ROTC (go Air Force!), and I was captain of the color guard. When we did ceremonies, we had this awful cd recording of a bugle player doing To the Color, Taps, etc. I figured I could do better, so I found a cheap bugle at an Army surplus store and attempted to play it. I couldn't figure out how to get different notes on it (there are no keys), so I ended up sounding like a weed whacker. Chalk that one up to experience. We kept using the cd.
7) Oboe. I finally fulfilled my childhood dream a few years ago and got an oboe off of eBay. I couldn't afford lessons, so I downloaded a fingering chart and dusted off the music I used for my recorder. It was hard at first, but I got to the point where I could play some very basic stuff. However, I got so busy that I never had time to play. Then I got to the point where I needed the money more than I needed the oboe, so I sold it to some kid in Wisconsin. (I love the internet.) Maybe someday I'll have the chance to try again.
There you have it. I'm not good at any instrument, but I have the distinction of being bad at seven of them. I would like to try the tympani at some point. I had a chance in college, but the timing was bad. The orchestra was doing Rodeo by Aaron Copland, and they needed tons of extra percussionists. They were willing to teach anyone who was willing to learn. I'm wishing I had taken them up on that offer.
Have you ever noticed how some instruments get associated with certain pieces of music? For example, I'm pretty sure that accordions are programmed to only be able to play Lady of Spain, and that bagpipes are programmed for your choice of either Amazing Grace or Scotland the Brave. A single banjo can play any number of American folk tunes, but if you get two of them together, they can only do Dueling Banjos. Violins are extremely versatile, but once you call it a fiddle, you're limited to Turkey in the Straw.
1) Cello. This was my first instrument. When I was in kindergarten we had an assembly at school where some musicians came to play and talk about their instruments. There was a cellist there. I was mesmerized, and I decided that I wanted to play the cello. In 4th grade, I had that chance when I joined the school orchestra. I was the only cellist at the school, so I had to sit in the violin class, but it was fun anyway. The cello was almost as big as I was, and I looked pretty silly carrying that thing home from school. I played for a year until we moved across town to a school that didn't have an orchestra.
2) Flute. I wanted to play the oboe. I had become interested in the oboe in 4th grade, just before I started playing the cello, and I decided that if I ever couldn't play the cello, it would be the oboe. In order to play the oboe, most people recommend that you play the clarinet first. So...when I moved to a school that only did wind instruments, I decided I wanted to play the clarinet for a year in preparation for the oboe. My mother, however, had other plans. She had played the clarinet as a child and didn't like it, so she figured that I wouldn't like it either. She said that if I wanted to play in the band that it had to be the flute. I wanted to be in the band, so I acquiesced. I wasn't very good at getting any sound out of the darn thing, so at the end of the school year, that was the end of my flute playing. (The funny aside to that is a few years later, my sister wanted to play the flute and my mom made her play the clarinet instead because I didn't like the flute. She ended up hating the clarinet. Go figure.)
3) Piano. When I was 14, my great-grandmother passed away, and we inherited her piano. My mom said that we all (me, my sister, and my mom--somehow my dad was off the hook on this one) had to take piano lessons for 6 months in order to keep the piano. I so did not want to take piano lessons. (I was still holding out hope for the oboe.) I already knew how to read both the treble and bass clef (bass from the cello, treble from the flute), so I had a leg up on that. At the end of 6 months, my sister quit lessons because she didn't like it, and my mom quit lessons because she was too busy. However, my mom made me take lessons for another 6 months. At the end of the year, I quit lessons because I didn't like it. My mom told me that I would regret quitting, and I told her I wouldn't.
4) Recorder. When I was 16, I decided to teach myself how to play the recorder. I started with the soprano recorder, but it sounded like a toy, so I switched to the tenor. This was the first instrument since the cello that I enjoyed playing. I picked it up pretty quickly and had a chance to play in church a few times. It sounds a bit like a flute, but it's pitched more like an oboe. In fact, since there is almost no recorder music available, I would often buy oboe music and play that. I still play every so often.
5) Organ. Remember how my mom said that I would regret quitting piano lessons? Well, she was right. I picked up the organ when I was about 18. (And boy was it heavy...) A family friend gave me a few lessons to get me started, and then I went to college. I started college as a music minor. (That quickly switched to philosophy, but that's a subject for another day.) Anyway, in order to minor in music, I had to take private music lessons on any instrument of my choice, and the recorder didn't count. Since I didn't own any musical instruments and I couldn't afford to buy one on a college student budget, I decided on the organ. There was only one organ teacher at the university, and so I began my lessons. He was totally full of himself and we didn't get along at all. At the end of the quarter, I switched to voice lessons. I still play the organ on occasion, and it's one of the instruments I enjoy. It's funny when people ask me about it, because I'm actually much more comfortable on the organ than the piano. Most people who play both tend to prefer the piano. I try to avoid the piano whenever possible because I'm just so bad at it. An organ covers a multitude of mistakes.
6) Bugle. When I was in college, I was in the ROTC (go Air Force!), and I was captain of the color guard. When we did ceremonies, we had this awful cd recording of a bugle player doing To the Color, Taps, etc. I figured I could do better, so I found a cheap bugle at an Army surplus store and attempted to play it. I couldn't figure out how to get different notes on it (there are no keys), so I ended up sounding like a weed whacker. Chalk that one up to experience. We kept using the cd.
7) Oboe. I finally fulfilled my childhood dream a few years ago and got an oboe off of eBay. I couldn't afford lessons, so I downloaded a fingering chart and dusted off the music I used for my recorder. It was hard at first, but I got to the point where I could play some very basic stuff. However, I got so busy that I never had time to play. Then I got to the point where I needed the money more than I needed the oboe, so I sold it to some kid in Wisconsin. (I love the internet.) Maybe someday I'll have the chance to try again.
There you have it. I'm not good at any instrument, but I have the distinction of being bad at seven of them. I would like to try the tympani at some point. I had a chance in college, but the timing was bad. The orchestra was doing Rodeo by Aaron Copland, and they needed tons of extra percussionists. They were willing to teach anyone who was willing to learn. I'm wishing I had taken them up on that offer.
Have you ever noticed how some instruments get associated with certain pieces of music? For example, I'm pretty sure that accordions are programmed to only be able to play Lady of Spain, and that bagpipes are programmed for your choice of either Amazing Grace or Scotland the Brave. A single banjo can play any number of American folk tunes, but if you get two of them together, they can only do Dueling Banjos. Violins are extremely versatile, but once you call it a fiddle, you're limited to Turkey in the Straw.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Welcome to Everyday Narcissism
Welcome to Everyday Narcissism. Some blogs are about culture or religion or law or politics, or any of a number of other serious stuff. I deal with serious stuff every day. I'm in law school and I work with developmentally disabled adults. This blog is about nothing serious at all. It's just about me. While my narcissism won't be every day, it will come as I come up with random things to post about. (I'll probably steal most of my ideas from Elisabeth. She's already given me some good ones to put up later.)
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