The Bill of Rights as It Relates to Cake

This little bit of weirdness grew out of a silly Facebook conversation. In honor of the birthday (yes, I know technically it's an anniversary, not a birthday, but work with me here) of the Bill of Rights, I was asked if there would be cake. I responded with how that piece of cake relates to the first ten amendments to the U.S. Constitution. Here's a more detailed version.*

First Amendment:
Congress can't make you say grace before eating your cake, but it also can't prohibit you from doing so. If you want to tell people about your cake, you may do so. This includes, but is not limited to: speaking about it, writing about it, doing interpretive dance about it, making statues, photos or other artistic representations of it, or burning it. If you don't have cake, or you are displeased with your cake, you may protest about it.

Second Amendment:
If you wish to defend your cake using arms, you may do so.

Third Amendment:
In times of peace, you do not have to feed your cake to soldiers. In times of war, you only have to in the manner prescribed by law.

Fourth Amendment:
Your cake is free from unreasonable search and seizure.

Fifth Amendment:
If you are accused of stealing cake, or committing some other crime in relation to the cake, you can't be prosecuted unless you've been indicted by a grand jury, and you can't be forced to testify against yourself. If you have been acquitted, you can't be prosecuted again for the same crime. You can't be deprived of your cake without due process of law, and the government can't take your cake for public use without paying you for it.

Sixth Amendment:
You have a right to a lawyer if you're accused of stealing cake. [editor's note: There's other stuff in the Sixth Amendment, but it doesn't relate to cake.]

Seventh Amendment:
If you have one of those fancy bakery cakes that's worth more than $20, you have a right to a jury trial if you sue someone regarding the cake.

Eighth Amendment:
You can't be excessively fined in relation to your cake.

Ninth Amendment:
The prior eight amendments are not an exclusive list of your rights relating to your cake. You may have more, but we're not really sure how to figure out what they are.

Tenth Amendment:
If the federal government doesn't have the power to regulate your cake, and the state government hasn't been prohibited from regulating your cake, then the state government may regulate your cake.

---
*Even this doesn't capture the full nuances of constitutional law. Proceed at your own risk. When in doubt, remember that the French solution for cake is available and noncontroversial. Marie Antoinette will let you eat it. (No word on whether you can have it, too. Law review commentary on the subject is welcome.)