Apartment Wars

While trying to make things better, I inadvertently turned the apartment cold war into World War III. Well, that's not true, exactly. My roommate turned it into World War III. I just got verbally nuked in the process. What follows is an incredibly long explanation of why my life isn't going so great right now.

First, a list of the players in the drama: (Per my usual policy, I've created clever pseudonyms for some people.)
Jen - My sister. (Not a pseudonym.)
Roomie - The roommate. She's in her mid-40's.
Kidlet - My roommate's 14 year-old daughter.
Crabgrass - My roommate's husband. Supposedly they're separated, and supposedly he lives in another city with his parents. Supposedly he's not supposed to stick around. (That's a lot of supposedlys.)

I have a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment. Jen has the master bedroom with her own bathroom. Roomie and Kidlet share a room, and I have the other room, and the three of us share a bathroom.

In my prior apartment, Roomie and Kidlet shared a room, and I shared a bathroom with them. One day, Crabgrass was stranded, and Roomie asked if he could spend the night. I said ok, since it was 10 pm and it was the middle of winter. Well, if you give a mouse a cookie... It turned out that he practically moved in. The guy is a lazy, shiftless, unemployed, unemployable, manipulative alcoholic. He's a user.

One day, Crabgrass got ahold of a spare key and broke into the apartment. I happened to be home that day. I have no idea how many other times he did it. I talked with Roomie, and she agreed that he would no longer be welcome to spend the night. For a while he left and stayed gone.

The lease was up in the old apartment, so we moved to the new one. Against my better judgment, I allowed Roomie and Kidlet to move in, with the express provisions that Crabgrass would not spend the night, and would not be in the apartment unaccompanied. Things were ok for a while.

A few weeks ago, Crabgrass came down, and he's been here for 2 1/2 weeks. (He left for 2 days in the middle, but otherwise, he's been there all the time.) Roomie doesn't have a job either. Crabgrass hangs out until about 11 pm, then he goes and sleeps in Roomie's car, and then he comes up around 6 am to use the shower and hang out again.

This makes me totally uncomfortable because the guy is a total creep. Jen isn't cool with the idea, either. We feel like the only ok place to be is in our rooms, so we either avoid the apartment altogether or stay in our rooms. We decided that we should raise the issue with Roomie to see if there was an amicable way to resolve the issue. Today I brought up the subject.

I asked her how much longer he was going to stay, since he had been here for two weeks. She rolled her eyes at me and started yelling that he had nowhere else to go. I reminded her of the lease provision (set by the management) that guests were only allowed for 14 days out of the month. She couldn't wrap her brain around that and kept yelling at me that he was her guest, and that he was a part of Kidlet's life. Then she asked me why I didn't want him around.

I told her that it was because he makes me uncomfortable and because he broke into the apartment. She yelled at me that he doesn't have a key anymore, and she said that it hurts his feelings that Jen and I stay in our room when he's around. (Oh, whoop-de-do. The creep gets hurt when people treat him like a creep.) Then she said that I would never be able to get a boyfriend or a husband if I couldn't handle having a man around the house. I told her that that comment was completely out of line.

The conversation was terminated, and Jen and I went to my room to figure out how to handle this new development. (Jen was in the front room observing but not participating in this conversation.) We decided that we would move out and find new roommates for Roomie. While we were in my room, Crabgrass came out of Roomie's room, and Roomie informed him of the conversation.

She completely misrepresented what I had said. She told him that I had issued an ultimatum, said I was afraid of him, and had said that talking about it was inappropriate. He went back into Roomie's room, and I came out and tried to repair the situation. I told her that her comment about not being able to find a boyfriend was extremely hurtful to me. Instead of doing the decent thing and apologizing, she defended her remark.

I told her that I didn't want this argument to damage our friendship, and I said that Jen and I were willing to move out and find new roommates for her. She said she couldn't afford the deposit. (I was the one who put the deposit down.) I told her that I was willing to walk away from the deposit and leave it. She still was unable to wrap her brain around the possibilities. She said that she would move out.

I told her that I didn't want her to feel like she was being evicted. She said she didn't. Then she laid a total guilt trip on me. She said in her best long-suffering voice, "I had hoped that we could stay here until Kidlet graduated in June, but we'll just move somewhere else." I said fine, and I offered to help. Then she gave me a withering glare and stormed off.

I decided to get out of dodge, so I went to my parents' house and sobbed. Now I'm not quite sure what's going to be awaiting me when I get home from school.